Saturday, September 20, 2014

Outgrowing your friendship

As little people, anyone who would catch our ball or push your swing was your friend.
Then we became bigger and competed for boyfriends, spots on the coveted team or musical performance.
And then we grew up, or so it seemed.

As a follow up to my last posting, this one comes as a request from a reader and “real-decades-long-friend”. She was saddened as she is occasionally at the loss of one of her long time friendships. When they worked together, they had common ground, discussing and complaining of mutual irritants. They went out to dinner and watched movies and talked on the phone about their children’s lives. They supported each other as friends do.

Courtesy Pixabay - Suhica
Then my friend decided that it was time to start dating, take up some new projects, get fit. Her friend didn’t like it, she resented the time they were now spending apart. She criticized and felt left out. My friend was not prepared for the cruel and hurtful things that were thrown at her character. What? She wondered, brought that on?

Change. That’s what brought it on. When one person makes a change, the relationship will change. Expectations from each party are affected. With these two people, one wanted more time apart, the other wanted nothing to change. The old friend did not celebrate her friend’s growing “awesomeness”, she couldn’t cope with it so she lashed out.

Sometimes, our growth means that we will lose someone. It can make us sad, but we must look at it as a chapter in our life. Evaluate your changes; reflect and be brutally honest with yourself on whether they are healthy and primarily good, and seek out others who can support your new thinking. 

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