Sitting on the Fence Becomes Uncomfortable

Sitting on the fence can have its rewards. It keeps us safe from ridicule and can make us everyone’s friend. We get to sway our opinion depending on whose company we’re in and it can save our careers, our marriages and dinner with the in-laws.

Sitting on the Fence Becomes Uncomfortable

We’ve all might have done it. There are many decades of our life when it might be necessary to “compromise”. Because our true needs might involve working at a job we don’t enjoy in order to pay the bills. Or smiling politely because our spouse’s boss is an idiot.

The beauty of growing older however, is that a day comes when you hardly care what other people think. When as the saying goes “I’m more concerned if I like you rather than if you like me.”  How freeing. Oh, I’m not condoning rudeness or aggression, there is a certain level of grace that goes a long way when you’re trying to make a point.

So as necessary as fence-sitting can be, how it keeps us comfortable, it is worthwhile to hop down to make a stand. Not everyone will like what you say, many will talk about you when you’re not there, others will think you’ve lost your mind.

But as many of us know, we get to change our minds. We get to learn from experience and then stand in that new understanding. We don’t need to provoke, or get angry, or convince. We just need to choose a side

We just need to choose a side. (Tweet This)

Sometimes sitting on the fence is our way to compromise. (Tweet This)

What’s Real?

In the Staff Room the other day we were discussing how easy it is to fall prey to spam/phishing. And that there are so many other less than honest ways that can infiltrate someone’s life and thinking.

Which then led us to open up the conversation about What’s Real? What do we absolutely know is real?

What's Real?

In this age of images enhanced by photoshop too-good-to-be-true pill promises for weight loss and youtube videos guaranteeing instant wealth, how do we tell fact from fiction? We have grown cynical, skeptical and sometimes just plain miserable.

We are inundated with experts in every imaginable field and how strange, they often know each other. They tell you the same thing but use different words. They are exuberant and yes, a wee bit exhausting. And somewhere during their podcasts/ workshops and books, we struggle to be discerning.

• Do you help the stranger standing on the side of the road, or is it a scam to steal your car?

• Is that orange juice really 100% pulp free as the advertisement says?

• Was that croissant truly baked in-house by the chef this morning?

• Are you “debt-free” if you carry a line of credit? (Yes, someone I know told me one day that she had no debt except what she had on her line of credit. We were in a public place, I was incredulous, I could not respond with what I really wanted to say.)

But most importantly, because our judgement has been skewed, because we have been deceived in the past, or because our intuition has not been flexed recently, do we trust ourselves?

Can we confidently know that it is an authentic friendship, true love, or real parmigiana-reggiano cheese? Are we always second guessing ourselves?

How do we know that the friendship or love will survive in heated times, and that your 100% real cheese will melt with heat the way that it’s meant to.

Do you trust your experts or do you flex your intuition? (Tweet This)

What's Real, does anyone really know? (Tweet This)

 *This one’s for you G. My true friend and love who favours real cheese every time.
 

HaHa from the Universe

HaHa from the Universe

The Universe can be a master comic with the tricks it can play on us.

I know that you will understand the days or weeks of busy-ness that can engulf us all. Getting back in to the Fall routine, tires which need replacing, appointments that run late, construction that slows down the drive to work.

We all have our “ohmygoodness” moments when we wonder how we are going to make it until Friday.

When I put my name on the waitlist for this book at my local library, I was number 324, it was January 2017. So when I was advised that I was next in line, you would think that a person would be happy, right? Except the Universe always knows more than we do. Believe me! (And feel free to send me your stories of when the Universe chuckled at you.)

We'll Never Be on One of Those House Hunting Shows

We'll never be on one of those house hunting shows. We are just too boring.

We don't fight. We agree about most things. We certainly wouldn't go on a show to then discover that one of us liked colonial and the other prefers shaker.

We don't expect to find our Dream Home, because as we know, Life Happens and you just have to deal with it. The years have told us to enjoy what we have because there is absolutely no sense in seeking perfection.

Courtesy Pixabay - Efraimstochter

We don't need a dining table that can hold fourteen because it's hard enough with our family to get even two of the children over at a time, never mind four. None of them have a Dream Home either by the way.

We know what we want, and if need be, we will wait for it. Our budget is not elasticized. We value comfortabe furniture  and experiences, pretty simple right? Maybe we are just of a generation that is used to waiting for things.

Oh and we don't have meltdowns due to disappointment. No, we will never be on a house hunting show, we are just not that entertaining.

Although we watch, we talk a lot to the participants! "Are you really surprised that what you want costs more than you're willing to spend?" "Being within walking distance to  the fancy coffee and dinner spots is bound to have a hefty price attached to it." "Yes, sometimes there's mildew and an unexpected bat that flies out of the attic." 

Why are so many people looking for their Dream Home?

Perhaps we already have it. Maybe instead of house hunting, we need to devote more time to understanding each other, to expect less, to enjoy our time together more. When the family comes over, it doesn't matter if someone eat at the breakfast bar or from their lap!

The Joneses are not your friend, you don't need to impress them, they don't care.

Whatever we decide to do, let's do it for ourself. If you're anything like us, maybe all you need is a cozy place to share a conversation, look out a window at the magical world, dream, make believe, work hard, pray if you are so inclined. We can do these invaluable things anywhere!

We are all connected, let's learn from those who have so much although they appear to own so little. Because until we find what makes our life meaningful from the inside there really is no point in looking for a new house.


What you want is already here, you don't need to go house hunting. (Click to Tweet)

A Dream Home will not resolve all that you're searching for. (Click to Tweet)

Shaping our choices

One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

Eleanor Roosevelt
1884-1962, American First Lady, Columnist and Lecturer

No longer an Act - 2

He was never one to shy away from finding love.

Many a girl had been twirled around the dance floor to his two-step. He fell in love nightly and with an open heart. He didn't cross boundaries but a girl felt that she had been flirted with, courted and wed all in one night. He knew the words to the songs and whispered them in tiny studded ears.

He knew when to speak softly and when to be center stage. A person couldn't help but fall for his ways, it would be pointless to resist. His back was slapped and a joke shared in countless encounters during an evening. He was a bit of candy wrapped in shiny foil.

You were surprised by the sheer size of his hands. They belonged on someone who was much taller and bigger. And though they had come in handy in many a misplaced playground scuffle, he had grown to be gentle with them.

And still he went home alone each night. It wasn't her fault, the woman with the curly hair and the flowered skirts, it was his time to go.

He is no one, he is every man, he is yet to have a name.

It seems that it was not the end.


He is no one, he is every man, he is yet to have a name. (Click to Tweet)

He was a bit of candy wrapped in shiny foil. (Click to Tweet)

For the rest of The Little Story, read here. 

When we voice our secrets…do we speak with words?

When we make the decision to move forward, we might appear to be "in the moment". However, we are speaking from our history about the limit of our tolerance for actions and words that we have endured. We have built up our capacity (or it was beaten in to us) and then one day we decide to accept “no more”.

But when we decide to share our secret, whether it be on our unhappy marriage, the infidelity of our partner (or our infidelity towards our partner), our dyslexia, our tendency to depression, our sexuality, or our covert lifestyle, how loudly do we speak?

Do we struggle with the words to be truthful but still be bold? Or do we once again make our announcement passively? Do we shoulder the burden of disclosure with a sibling, colleague or stranger and ask them to circulate our secret? How we emerge into our “self” is no less of a wonder than the steps that it took us to get there. Each step a journey in itself, to become who we are meant to be, each journey different from our fellow traveller.

Making haste is not the goal, the unfolding of life events are meant specifically just for us. We will each get our menu of designed choices, but as always it comes down to when we recognize the “no more” moment.

For me, it took the integrity of $1 to change my life. What will it take for you?

Choices - how to spend the rest of your life?

It does not matter that we are no longer 21, most of us did not even know each other at that stage of our lives. But the shared stories give life to our past and I can understand (albeit just a little) of what choices you made that brought you to this person that you are today. It is only in the sharing that I can get a glimpse of the joy and pain that molded you, and the “why” of our meeting at this point in time. We give and we take and if we are wise, we incorporate what we have taken, to pass on to someone else who will need it someday. Like a wave, we come to land and then step back to reflect.

Many, many (many) years ago I was asked to be Class Valedictorian. My teacher, John A. (Class of ’71) said that I was one of the only students who could describe succinctly, yet poetically what needed to be said. What he did not assess was my ability to stand in front of a crowd and speak. I refused, it is a decision that pops up in my thinking every now and then. What would have happened if I had agreed? As time went on, I realized that that one day was just that, one day, a few hours, a few words. I would have survived, regardless of my shaking knees.

Today, I have a friend who is breaking new ground from her old stories. She has abandoned the parts of herself that no longer serve her well, to become someone more courageous. She is a rolling stone. She is a gypsy. And however long or short this period might be, she has taken the challenge of standing at the podium and is giving the best speech of her life.

Congratulations my friend. I have learned a lot from you.

What choices do you need to make to celebrate the rest of your life?

Light your Way

Today I had a conversation with a young colleague regarding the Power of Women. She alluded to some choices she had made as a teenager that impacted her life. I spoke to her on the importance of surrounding yourself with strong women who can support and guide you. They are always there, we are sometimes just not ready to hear them.

I realized that through the most difficult time of my life (long unhappy marriage = long-overdue divorce), I yearned for such a person. They were there when I was ready. My 40's were fraught with awareness that pained, bridges that collapsed and lessons that brought me to the truth: That power and strength are gained through life experiences that we would not choose. That the enlightenment that we reach (if we are fortunate enough to appreciate it when it comes) can move us to higher levels of understanding ourselves, and that to go higher we have to be brought to our knees.

Be brave young friend, always look with joy at the bending paths ahead and listen for the voice that speaks to you. There are sign posts along the way if you allow yourself to pause.

What experiences have you had that slammed one door but gave you a peephole to where you are today?