Choosing a Better Journey

Life is not a solo act. 

It's a huge collaboration, 

and we all need to assemble around us
the people who care about us 
and support us in times of strife.

Tim Gunn

Thank you dear reader for sticking by me with your patience. As many of you have noticed (thanks for your emails) I have not been actively writing here for a little while. My time has been dedicated to deep thinking on the future of my writing projects.

There comes a point in each of our lives that parts of our self slip away, either we take off the mask or we decide to keep it on permanently. 

Courtesy Unsplash, Pixabay

In my efforts to Simplify this year, I was prepared to confront some deep-held beliefs which have swept me along as reasons (excuses?) to not be the writer that I am. 

As a writer, we are often afraid to offend those closest to us because of our words. And although we know that anything and everything can be taken in the not-intended way, most of us are not quite brave enough to step past that line of full honesty and disclosure.

In my time away, I have been tossed about with this idea. How does a person speak their truth? I'm not speaking about facts here, I'm referring to emotion. What annoys us, what encourages us, what makes us sigh with pleasure, and what makes us boil. Let's all remember that my truth may not often or necessarily be your truth.

But all any one of  us want is to be heard. Equally. If what I write makes you reflect. Excellent. If my images remind you of your happy childhood. Wonderful. If my words make you angry. They've made you think, and that was their purpose.

We are truly fortunate if we have people in our lives who not only support us, but also love us enough to tell us that we need to get over whatever we are stuck in. We need to have people in our life who are willing to call us on our B.S. and our fears.

They are the ones who will help us grow...better. They are the ones who want us to succeed, they are strong enough in their own right and don't need anything from us. They just want to come along for our journey.

Look for these people everyday, they are there, waiting. It's up to you to recognize them.

I will promise you this, you might not always like what you read here. (Click to Tweet)

All I want is for you to have a better journey.  (Click to Tweet)

Waiting for Better

This is for you. 

Letting time pass to set a history is a good thing. Invariably the good people will stay good, and those that are not will also be revealed. But waiting and waiting can be just an avoidance that creates deeper pain. We say we want to be happy but remain in situations that we know prevent us from being so? It is honorable to give someone the benefit of the doubt, no one wants to be judged by one single act. However, we are sometimes so stuck, so paralyzed by our fear of the unknown that we cannot move out of a situation that does not honour ourselves.

We put up, and we shut up. 

Life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need. We will each get them to teach us in the way that matters most, the inconsiderate "friend", a (lack of a better term) crazy partner, an idiot boss. What will we let that person get away with? Why do we let them do what they do? The nonsense this person hands out will keep escalating until even you can't ignore the volume. The cosmic 2 by 4 will finally stop you in your tracks.

Then one day, you will know with no doubt in your mind that you are “done”. It could be caused by something catastrophic or something small, but it will happen when you are ready and have the courage to move on.

Have faith, you will survive. You will no longer be able to deny the proof.

And on that day, you will love yourself a little more and not let it happen again. Don't lose yourself in the battle and until then be safe, be well.

When we voice our secrets…do we speak with words?

When we make the decision to move forward, we might appear to be "in the moment". However, we are speaking from our history about the limit of our tolerance for actions and words that we have endured. We have built up our capacity (or it was beaten in to us) and then one day we decide to accept “no more”.

But when we decide to share our secret, whether it be on our unhappy marriage, the infidelity of our partner (or our infidelity towards our partner), our dyslexia, our tendency to depression, our sexuality, or our covert lifestyle, how loudly do we speak?

Do we struggle with the words to be truthful but still be bold? Or do we once again make our announcement passively? Do we shoulder the burden of disclosure with a sibling, colleague or stranger and ask them to circulate our secret? How we emerge into our “self” is no less of a wonder than the steps that it took us to get there. Each step a journey in itself, to become who we are meant to be, each journey different from our fellow traveller.

Making haste is not the goal, the unfolding of life events are meant specifically just for us. We will each get our menu of designed choices, but as always it comes down to when we recognize the “no more” moment.

For me, it took the integrity of $1 to change my life. What will it take for you?