Turning Back the Pages of Time - 10

If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone so distantly from your past emerges into your present, you will understand the shock that she felt as she approached Oliver.

Quick as her brain could go, her mind picked up the buried scent of wet, as she reached him. It had been a day of pouring rain when they had sat down over a hot chocolate in the Student Centre all those years ago. He had been wearing a heavy (wet) knit sweater, similar to a style that she had seen recently again on some young people. Everything old is new again.

As he stood, they embraced with the familiarity of a time when your friends were your family as you grew into adulthood. Ironically, they had lived in oblivion of personal pain and family struggles. Only many years later had she heard through the grapevine called Internet that Oliver’s father had died, estranged from his family and a

Courtesy on the C-train

Getting on the train downtown, my attention was drawn to a well dressed young man. "He's at peace", I thought, as we both boarded the south-bound train. He carried a small Harry Rosen bag, big enough for a tie and a pair of socks, maybe.

I got a seat and he ended up standing close by as we made our way home. A seat opened up next to where he was standing and this young man did something I haven't seen in a long time. He offered the empty seat to one woman (who refused) and then turned to another to make the same offer (she also refused). Then finally, he sat. Even his brown shoes were polished.

A few stops down, a very pregnant woman entered the train. Again he offered his seat, and again it was refused.

Don't give up young man. Your kind and generous offers were duly noted. Your Mama would be so proud!

(Your striped socks were very cool too!)

Thank you for warming my day.

Perfection isn't Pretty

Perfection is hard work, hard dirty work. There are certain things that we all consider valuable enough that we always want to give it our best shot. Some will shine their bikes, like they’ve never seen a splatter of mud. The horsepower doesn’t change, the accessories don’t change, but gosh they are just prettier when they are shiny! I’ve been known to polish up my stainless steel appliances until there is not a single fingerprint anywhere. Well, we all know that only lasts a moment.

In a recent article, statistics said that women will only apply for a position if they feel that they have all the qualifications. Men on the other hand, feel that they only need to have 60% of the requirements*. In this day of fluid characteristics, I am well aware that not all men or women are this way. But let’s just say that no amount of body fat has prevented some people from parading around in their shorts…and admiring themselves in front of a mirror.

Holding up Perfection is a futile task. Where’s the fun? We are not perfect and neither are our partners, children, colleagues or pets. It is a difficult thing to constantly strive for the impossible and downright mean to expect it from those around us. There is a huge difference in expecting the best effort from someone and from setting the bar so unrealistically high that the one we're watching will give up in despair. “What’s the point?”, they ask,"he/she will never be happy with my result".

Let’s just choose ONE thing that we want to work on today, to be the best that we can be, and worry about the rest tomorrow. Maybe today, we could just work on that smile to a stranger. The mud, fingerprints, and messy teenage rooms can wait.

Surrender to the im-perfect and have fun!

Perfection in Canmore, AB.

* Dr. Ann Daly, former Associate Professor @ University of Texas quoting a Hewlett-Packard study, citing from a McKinsey Quarterly.

Waiting for Better

This is for you. 

Letting time pass to set a history is a good thing. Invariably the good people will stay good, and those that are not will also be revealed. But waiting and waiting can be just an avoidance that creates deeper pain. We say we want to be happy but remain in situations that we know prevent us from being so? It is honorable to give someone the benefit of the doubt, no one wants to be judged by one single act. However, we are sometimes so stuck, so paralyzed by our fear of the unknown that we cannot move out of a situation that does not honour ourselves.

We put up, and we shut up. 

Life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need. We will each get them to teach us in the way that matters most, the inconsiderate "friend", a (lack of a better term) crazy partner, an idiot boss. What will we let that person get away with? Why do we let them do what they do? The nonsense this person hands out will keep escalating until even you can't ignore the volume. The cosmic 2 by 4 will finally stop you in your tracks.

Then one day, you will know with no doubt in your mind that you are “done”. It could be caused by something catastrophic or something small, but it will happen when you are ready and have the courage to move on.

Have faith, you will survive. You will no longer be able to deny the proof.

And on that day, you will love yourself a little more and not let it happen again. Don't lose yourself in the battle and until then be safe, be well.

Sharing your light

Growing up while shopping with my Dad, I knew where he was by the sound of his whistling. I couldn’t always identify the tune but I knew that he was nearby. It’s a sound that continues to give me comfort and a sense of connection.

Being mindful of energy consumption, many spaces have lights that dim when it senses that there is no movement within. This of course is difficult for some of us who don’t fidget excessively. It means that when I am concentrating (too long!) I sometimes have to leave my desk to turn the lights back on.

Our washroom space is that way too. Entering that dark space the other day, I waved my arms and bopped to some imaginary music to get the lights to turn on. I wonder what else you could do to “light up the place”? Perhaps you could cha-cha on your way inside, or tango, cartwheel or do the 'gangsta' walk.

How do you bring light to your world each day? Are you the first one in who starts up the coffee? Are you the Concierge who greets everyone with the biggest smile each morning? Do you give your fellow travellers a smile while you sing out loud while driving? Or do you cartwheel?

Thank you to the Security person who was in my parkade today. I so enjoyed listening to you whistle Amazing Grace.

Signs - of stupidity?

There are signs everywhere. We see them, ignore them, manipulate them and interpret them. to our advantage.

Recycling is such a great idea. I can't imagine where all this yucky stuff was dumped previously. However, cardboard is not paper, paper inside plastic bags is not paper, and surely there should be no confusion between plastic and glass! But it seems that there is in the building I live in. Short of standing there and policing the guilty, what is a person to do? (Breathe)

There's a sign in our staff room that has grown angrier as the year has gone on. Tell me, why do people think that their Mother works there? She who silently and in a saintly manner rinsed the dregs out of our cups and scraped plates decorated with melted cheese. Is your colleague's time less valuable than your own? Someone eventually tires of the mess and cleans up, there's always one in our midst, the good child.

On holidays recently, we noticed a large swimming pool that did not have a fence or a sign of any sort, as is the law where I live. They assumed that you 1. would not jump in if you couldn't swim and 2. If you don't want to go in, you'd walk around. Common sense. There were no warnings about ' please don't go in if you are intoxicated", and "please no children without adult supervision" (especially if the adult doesn't know the difference between plastic and glass).  I like their assumption, if you don't get it, you will get wet.

Someone wrote in to share about the service they didn't receive. It seems that when she went to pay a bill, it was cordoned off with an "enter" sign followed by one of those wandering back and forth trails. Much to her delight, there was no one ahead of her, so she skipped the trail and eagerly stepped directly in front of the person at the counter. She was informed that she could not be served because she did not enter where it said "enter". Are you kidding me?

Count the signs you see today, there are sure to be some that irritate (because you and I have common sense) and some that mystify.

Fog

I was admittedly distracted this morning as I made my at an unusual time to an infrequent (thank goodness!) location.

Good health has been a blessing in my life and attending even the pre-appointment for a "procedure" requires some meditation and deep breathing.

And that is how I found myself at a stop light quite oblivious as to how I had gotten there. "Being in the moment" surely does not include putting your car on autopilot. (Although how is it that our cars do sometimes drive themselves to the location we want? Come on, I know you've done it too!)

When I shook my way out of my reverie I saw a white Yaris changing lanes more often than was necessary (slow down buddy), an orange Durango with its hood up at the side of the road (note to self - get gas on the way home) and a cream coloured BMW 325i with an almost-rusted-through passenger side that was probably quite pretty at some point.

The woman beside me was talking over her right shoulder. Her car held at least three children who were badly in need of orthodontic work. "Good luck" I say silently, "there go some of your vacation plans".

And so we all travelled in the same direction for those moments in time, even though our destinations were all quite different. I wonder what each of those drivers thought when they saw me?

Let it Be

Have you ever noticed how long it takes for a kettle to boil while you are standing beside it? Does it seem terribly long to you?

When we're waiting in line for the microwave in the Staffroom, does the time seem to go especially slowly, while someone else's lunch is heating up?

Why do holidays go so fast, but the day at our desk go so slowly?

Everything is relative!

We plan, and shop and prepare a meal for what seems like ages, and then POOF! our family gobbles it down at warp speed. Airplane rides can take an eternity, but your Corona/Margarita/Wine disappear instantly. (A bad sign, best left for a later story.)

Every minute has but 60 seconds, how we spend them, is up to us.

We can tap our foot to make time pass, or "Be" in the moment and let the next one happen on its own.

Recharge by turning off the clock/music/iPod/iPad/Playbook or TV. You will hear the most incredible things.

One week with no mascara

Things I learned while on holidays:

Give a little boy a bucket and water anywhere in the world and he will be happy

That I’m not as brave as some people

That Starbucks coffee is the same regardless of location

People are generally nice and cab drivers are fast

Sunsets are faster in the southern hemisphere

Walking is good for you

Small towns have many surprises, great pottery, good music and great food

Local transportation is unpredictable and fun

Chocolate is good everywhere

Eating dinner outdoors in March is spectacular!

Corona on the beach is refreshing

Traveling with someone you care about is a Gift.

In spite of the 40 degree change in temperature, it’s still good to be home.

                                     

Balls of different sizes

We have all read on our email or heard of the story of the professor who was teaching his class on the importance of balancing the various parts of our lives.

He proceeded to fill an empty vessel of different sized balls. Each ball standing for something of importance in your life, our vessel equals our life. He spoke of which balls and in which order we fill our vessel will help keep our life fulfilled. Simply put, too much time at the bar on the way home to meet with small balls (relative strangers) will take away from the time with (supposedly) big balls - your family.

The concept of filling our lives with important things is not new or earth-shattering. But in reality, it can continue to elude us despite our best efforts.


We have all been in a relationship, so closely connected, so living-in-each other's-pocket that we thought it would never end. But life happens and directions can alter. So what do we make of the realization that our partner in this juggling game of balls has decreased the size of the ball with our name on it without our knowledge?


If our vessel has a big ball named "You", but in your vessel the ball name "Me" are not the same (relative) size, one of us is losing out! We will feel slighted, short changed and eventually not as important in the other person's life.


We automatically do this evaluation each time we pick up the phone or send an email to stay connected to someone. But if they seldom reciprocate, we will soon feel that our importance in their life has diminished.


Juggling is a skill. All our relationships are all colourful and circular. The ones we focus on will continue their dance in our lives, and some will bounce and roll away.

Embarking

On a cruise some months ago, walking the deck (3 times around equals 1 mile), I followed a couple in their advanced years walking arm in arm. The poetry between them, the grace and demeanor of a loving couple from an earlier era. Her grey bun was firmly affixed to the back of her head, a single strand escaping in the breeze. In his blazer and beige khakis, he was decidedly overdressed for this crowd.

They surely weren`t from The Cat`s Table....or were they?

Michael Ondaatje`s The Cat`s Table (the least privileged place, typically farthest from the Captain`s table) sets the scene for the most enjoyable, endearing and at times enduring characters.

It speaks of secrecy and power of many kinds. In its pages, (so often not identified by page numbers, which I found mysterious in itself), I heard again and again of the affects of the unsuspected. “It would always be strangers like them, at the various Cat‘s Tables of my life, who would alter me.”

The story of a young boy and his adventurous voyage across the waters to a new life, a new self. Written with Ondaatje`s magical turns of phrase, I did not want this book to end. “They seemed an unlikely pair. Although she had a laugh that hinted it had rolled around once or twice in mud.”

His characters are delightful and surprisingly sublime. “That was a small lesson I learned on the journey. What is interesting and important happens mostly in secret, in places where there is no power.”

What woman doesn`t want at least once in her life to utter the words “I don`t think you can love me into safety” and then to walk away into the sunset?

 

The Guest House - Rumi

and one of my most favourites....
 

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.






Rumi

Her - 7

We all know her. She just has different names.

She walked into the coffee shop on a whim. She usually worked night shift and had the advantage of being anonymous. With the promotion she would have to step into the daylight and her face would become known. She needed to process how this change was going to disrupt her life.

Too many changes, coming too quickly did not work well for her. They scared her. She had survived the death of her child, you would think that nothing further could have the potential to shake her.

She drifted to a corner table (her back not exposed to the room) and settled in. Two tables over, Ollie and Merrick were in the midst of an animated discussion. Father and son, both speaking and waving their arms in grandiose movements. They formed boxes with their hands and drew a curving shape on the top. They laughed, the older man slapped the younger on the back and they both slid in unison down their respective chairs.

She found something vaguely familiar about him. Where had she seen him? Why did that smile ring bells in her head?

She drummed her finger on the tabletop.

She usually worked night shift and had the advantage of being anonymous. (Click to Tweet)

For the rest of The Little Story, read here.  

Be afraid, be really afraid

It is hard to be zen-like through our day.

We are in a culture that has been enlightened about the harm caused to our environment by plastic bags. The other day, I carried my own fabric bag to a retail store and made some purchases. Then I stood there, waiting. The young female behind the cash, stood there waiting too.

I asked her in a calm manner, "When a customer brings their own bag, do they no longer get their purchases packed?" She stared back. "Just a question", I said. (Of course at the back of my mind I'm thinking to myself, haven't I just saved this store the cost of their bag. Should I not expect some service?) "Just a question" I repeated, waiting to see if perhaps her response would indicate that it was store policy not to touch a customer's personal property.

But her words flabbergasted me, "You could have asked" she said. WHAT? Since when do I have to request customer service? I am annoyed that service has deteriorated to this point. It seems that the customer is NOT always right.

Don't go to a store with your own bag and expect to be served, you too might be disappointed. I am beginning to understand why people joyously shop on their computers at midnight.

When I shared this unhappy interaction with a colleague, she told me of one of her latest experience. She asked an employee at a local grocery store where she could find a certain product. His answer was "I don't know, I only work here." No, he was not trying to be amusing.

Sometimes, I don't think even Rumi could help me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumi

Slow Man Walking Still

No longer a hood but a black and blue toque. Jacket, black and blue to match. The temperature, blinking on the corner as I waited for the light, was  -23 degrees. Oh, when will it be Spring?

I can't see any ear-buds, but I suspect they are there hidden under the scarf.

The walk is faster than it used to be, but still painfully slow.

Perhaps the girlfriend is gone.

Hearts Day

May the love you receive today comfort you when you need it, be gentle when you need a hug, be firm when you need a push.
May it give you coffee in the middle of the afternoon, and a foot rub at the end of the day.
May the love you receive today make you feel special every moment and know that there is a port in any storm.
May it be the love that you deserve and sometimes forget to give yourself.
Enjoy your today.

Stranger no more

How close are we, that I don't know you're handwriting?
A relationship cultivated by email, texts and long distance Skype
Send me a hand-written note please, so
I can see the curl of your "L".
Does your "G" cross the line or sit upright?
Does the last letter of your name
trail off into nothingness?

I want to know.

Ollie (Oliver) - 6

He had a small tick that was exacerbated by fatigue and stress (which ever came first). His badly made toupé askew on the top of his head and though it had the potential of making him look like a crazy person, it did nothing of the sort. No one could look at him without finding him endearing.

Ollie ran down the stairs and dropped his message under Grace's door. He hadn't seen her in days and that threw him off course. He looked forward to Thursday nights, when they often met for coffee, decaffeinated for her, and the usual for him because he'd never been one prone to sleepless nights.

Tonight however, he was going to see his son's new showing at the gallery downtown. He hadn't seen his son since January 1st, and it was time to see what Merrick was up to these days.

No one could look at him without finding him endearing. (Click to Tweet)

For the rest of The Little Story, read here.  

My heart was stolen

In my work day, many people come in and out of my office space. Sometimes, people comment on one of my plants, the photograph of my family members or the open space. In the give and take of my seven hours, I am rarely surprised. People come in all varieties and are all unique and have their special needs. They range from the fully engaged and the fringe, the curious and the indifferent.

Today, someone noticed a small cast iron frog that I have on my table. My prosperity frog, I laughed. She said that she collected frogs, and asked if she could have it! Now that surprised me. To say that I was shocked was a bit of an understatement. Because, truly, I had only just known this person for 10 minutes. We were far from friends! Perhaps she misunderstood my shock for hesitation, so she asked again.

As I gathered my wits, I noticed that the small magnetic heart that always sat jauntily on top of the frog was gone…so I said so. She continued smiling.

And that is how I lost my heart this morning. She apparently needed a “kiss” from a frog.

Opportunities - to be Good or Not

In Marina Endicott's "Good To a Fault", you are instantly thrown into a situation to make a decision. Will I like this character, her seemingly mundane life and the mess she finds herself in?

I encourage you to continue reading and to enjoy the beauty of the "everyday". Characters so filled with flaws that they are utterly human, no pretense, no false attempt at perfection, just like you and me.

Endicott's pages are filled with the undercurrent belief that we will all discover that "The window of time when you could do anything was so brief". Clara, the main character makes her decision and from that point the story writes itself, beautifully, with laughter and with intense pain.

It is a book so human, because the Universe dictates that "Fear is always with us; that we are not good enough or strong enough, and so will fail; that we will be hurt. Fear that what we love will be taken from us. Fear of dying, even fear of God, or of no God."