Thoughts About Words, Words About Thoughts - mini #NaNoWriMo

Intro: It's that time again when writers of all flavours pick up their tool of choice and get writing. I am not able to commit this year but thought I would try something different. NaNoWriMo will happen for me in May, or June, or July. If you continue to follow along you'll find out why.

Anyone who follows me here (thank you for your private messages that basically told me to get off my a**) knows that I have been missing. Missing the opportunity, coming up with excuses and sorely lacking in words.

But this has ended.

With the month of #NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) upon us, even those faint of heart are excited and at least cheering fans of those who will be MIA for the next 30 days.

My mini NaNoWriMo will be about writing. Thoughts about words, words about thoughts that flit through each of our minds. Sometimes when we least expect it. Sometimes pounding us down as we reach for a spare paper napkin on the adjoining table at a restaurant (because ours was spotted with smudges of garlic toast and spaghetti sauce).

When I started writing my blog, I had planned to pen just a few inspiring words that would reach you. Then somehow, I got caught up with SEOs, which kind of social media gave 

Three Things We Can't Take Back

Courtesy of Dan Bowman Productions

As this year unwinds, let’s take a moment to ponder the three things we can't take back. The words we have spoken and the ones we have received that have stuck to our souls. The choices we made that took flight either toward the target or not. And the opportunities we missed.

In the spirit of another year closing in let’s start with the third.

The lost opportunity.

Hindsight can be a wonderful thing. It allows us to evaluate what we didn’t have the courage to attempt the first time. If we look back on the months of this year, what could we have done differently to set us up for the year? Start a fitness regime? Spend more time reading or volunteering?
Keep in better touch with people we care about?

Looking back over the year, what could we have done differently that would have made a new You today? Do we see the junction when we made the choice? Would we choose differently next time?

What could we have gained in being more brave?

The Spoken Word.

How many words spoken to us over this year are still echoing in our heads. Hurtful words, truthful words with a sting, misinterpreted words, praising words? How many times did we hear them or pass them out, does intention count? How many times did we overlook what we received to keep peace? Or perhaps we didn't wait long enough to bite our tongue to stop our reaction?

What did we learn in these interactions? Who to trust, how to stay calm, patience?

The Spent Arrow.

What do YOU need this to mean? We have chosen each day to be someone. Hopefully, you chose to be YOU! Did we succumb to someone else’s will, power, manipulation? Did we respond professionally, like a grown-up, not taking it personally? Have you read one of my favorite books of all time, Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements?

Did we spend our time wisely? Did we set our life in motion to grow, learn and expand? There is such valuable information on dedication and concentration in Cal Newport's - Deep Work. A book that could change your life in the days ahead.

The arrow has been sent forth, we might hope or plan or strategize on its target but we never know the circuitous route it will take; how it lands is the interesting part. Send as many arrows forth as you feel needed and you WILL make a change!

The year is coming to a close, but WOW what a year. We can teach and share, celebrate and mourn, review and reflect, grow and learn, make plans and relax.

These three things we can't take back. But the choices ahead are open and exciting and ours to make. (Click to Tweet)

Holiday Reading - my 6 most-read posts of 2016

In this busy time of celebrating, I hope you will stay and relax for a few minutes. Thank you to all my readers for sharing this year with me. Your comments, your wisdom and your dialogue are such a gift to me. Thank you for allowing me to be a writer.

My 6 most-read posts are here for you while you take a restful stop and sip on your beverage. Each post brought to you to reflect, laugh, smile or cry. Each one from my heart.

Please share if you know someone who would find these words valuable. You can also find me on Twitter  and on Facebook .      

Rejection and Re-direction
  

As the new school year begins, perhaps we should all keep in mind these wise words. Being rejected might not seem like it at the time but we are heading to "something better". Read more..

Give and Take –  how to do it – a Rant(?)

What I’ve learned is that sometimes people give only because it gives them something, said my friend. It is a self-serving pat-on-the-back, not because they want the recipient to be truly honoured. But because they feel needed, she continued. Read more..

Relationship is not a Secret

The beauty of the couple. Rare, dignified, classy. Bringing that air of well-being to all they encounter. I think that they must enjoy the experience of strolling through a park or attending a book reading at the local library. Read more.. 

Asking Questions Made Me Enjoy Social Events

 

Let's face it, marathoners are not typically a subdued bunch. As the host opened the front door to the after-race party, the laughter and conversation overwhelmed me. What was I doing here? Sure, I'd just completed my first half marathon, but these people were "real athletes", each wearing their newest Finisher medal. I was just a nerd in running shoes. Read more..

When Is Enough enough? 6 Simple Ideas to set you Free

Too much? Stuff.

What are you going to do about it today?

When is Enough enough? Or the bigger question, what is your enough? What are you giving up now for the day that you can enjoy what you have? Read more..

Ode to a Girl Named River

 

Such a little girl. Her hand reaching up is totally enveloped in her Dad’s. 

They are walking as they usually do, almost every evening, just catching up on their respective days. It’s a habit he had started when she was just wee, when he would come home from work, scrub his hands clean and smile and talk to her sweet face. Read more..

I Don’t Know

What a grand situation, to know that it’s okay to not know. 

As any parent of a 3 year old knows, it is such a burden to be the smartest person in the room! Or to be the one that all heads turn to in the boardroom, when an important decision needs to be made. 

The world provides us these days with so many answers about so many things (many of which we don’t or shouldn’t care about). How do people fit all this information into their heads. Why is the mush mingled with the important? 

How refreshing and shocking would it be if you asked a question at your next staff meeting, and your supervisor said “I don’t know”. Or your grocery clerk said “I don’t know when the next truck arrives with the yoghourt that’s on sale". 

Just say it, I say, “I don’t know”. It would free us all up from pretending and just get on with it.

Many of us now have the freedom from being the parent who needs to have the answers. Our children are long gone to homes of their own and don’t need to call us for a recipe on a regular basis. They also have high-speed access to any ridiculous question that crops up in their head after two beer. It makes me a little nostalgic sometimes, that I no longer have the answers for them. 

Do you know anyone who is studying to be a librarian these days? My guess is probably not! When I was younger, it seemed like a job for a really smart person, imagine being someone who could get back to you quickly with your most burning question.

I have embraced the words “I don’t know”, and I try to use them every day. People are usually surprised when I speak them but it allows me to be honest and real and for them to talk some more about something else they can explain to me.

“I don’t know” is like a huge door that opens to all that I could know. It gives me permission to find out what is important to me. It’s going to let me fill in some personal gaps. It will feel like tasty icing that holds my thoughts together.

I don’t know what’s next, do you?

Why is the mush mingled with the important? (Click to Tweet)

What's wrong with saying "I don't know"?  (Click to Tweet)

If I Were Looking for a Friend, I'd look for Someone like You

I was walking by a school playground the other day and saw two young girls re-unite. “I’ve missed you”, yelled one as they ran towards each other with open arms. Do you remember those days? When your best friend’s family holiday destroyed your precious life, because you missed each other SO much. And when you met again, it was as though you had received the best gift of all.

courtesy Pixabay

  At some point along the way, we might have stopped looking for that friend   who filled every crevice of our soul with warmth. Perhaps as we grew older,   our capacity for that open-hearted embrace diminishes. We’ve been   tarnished sometimes over the years with disappointments and hurt and are a   little more cautious with new people entering our life.

  But…

  If I were Looking for a Friend...

I remember people older than me saying how it gets more difficult to make a friend as you get older. I used to think that was nonsense, until recently. Perhaps that means that I am at that age.

Maybe I am getting too stuck in my ways, in my opinions, in what I like and what I just can’t tolerate anymore. Maybe I was nicer when I was younger. Maybe I was filling my life with people, to learn what I could grow from, who had something to teach me, maybe that is why I needed to be around certain people.

I wrote about Give and Take recently. Putting those words down brought up memories of what I should have done in the past. How I should have been treated, how I should have questioned, how I should have known. I want a friend who gets that. I want a friend who has climbed some tough terrain to get to a vantage point that has a view. Someone who is still striving to get higher in their own understanding of the world.

I do not want a friend who is coasting and is merely a spectator to their own life, nor someone who has no rudder and is tossed about like empty change. I need someone who is strong and is not afraid to show it. Someone who knows that each passing day was spent wisely, always a combination of expanding and reflecting.

If this person drinks wine, likes reading, walking and shopping (within reason) bonus points!

I want someone to grow old with. Someone who will say, remember when we met at 60 and look how much we’ve done since then. That’s the friend for me. Someone who still paints their toenails red. Someone who wears pearl necklaces with jeans and feels fabulous. Someone who will enrich my life and who is content with their partner. Someone who is proud of how their grown children turned out but doesn’t have to talk to them every day.

Someone who can be tastefully disrespectful and can enjoy being silly.

And what can I offer you, you ask? I will never betray your confidence. I will cheer you up and kick your butt depending on what you need. I will bake you brownies. And bring the wine. I will always tell you the truth, and expect the same.

I have been blessed with many amazing women (and men) friends over my life-time. People who have grown alongside me, who have set the most courageous examples, who have shown stamina and resilience and continue to wrap their arms around me with love. If you are reading this, even if I met you over a coffee yesterday or talked to you via Skype last week or haven't seen you in a while, “I’ve missed you.”

We have lived well and badly, and have not lost the lesson. (Click to Tweet)

I want a friend who has climbed some tough terrain to get to a vantage point that has a view. (Click to Tweet)

Common Denominator

Courtesy Pixabay

How many times have you fallen in the same hole?

I talked with a young woman the other day, who ended up in tears. She lamented that she had been misunderstood…again. I had witnessed her behaviour in previous situations and it had often riled me. She has been known to react, often without consideration. It was black or it was white.

I don’t know this woman well, don’t know her personal story. Was she raised by a parent who did this? Does she have to “defend” herself in this way at home? What triggers this consistent reaction.

Believe me, I am also well aware of my reaction to this “bigger than life” take on life. I lived in a situation for many years where the response to a spilled bowl of soup was as catastrophic as a major financial loss. I know that I too am still learning a more peaceful response in this situation.

As gently as I could, I asked this young woman how often had she been misunderstood. The tears continued to flow. My intuition told me that she was ready to hear my words, “Is it possible that it could be You?” In each occurrence she could recall, she realized that from a young age, her “go to” place immediately was to get angry. This was her defense mechanism to not being hurt. She would go on the attack to save herself.

In that moment I understood that what had brought us together was what we needed to learn from each other. I had to understand the reason that her reaction disturbed me so intensely. Then I had to learn how to deal with it. She had to learn her own lesson.

Each of us is the only common denominator in all our experiences. What we do with our lessons is up to us. Or we will find the next hole to fall in soon enough.

The learning continues. But in my next interaction with this young woman, I will yearn to keep a softer heart.

How many times do we fall in the same hole? (Click to Tweet)

Less judging, yearning to keep a softer heart. (Click to Tweet)