Common Denominator

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How many times have you fallen in the same hole?

I talked with a young woman the other day, who ended up in tears. She lamented that she had been misunderstood…again. I had witnessed her behaviour in previous situations and it had often riled me. She has been known to react, often without consideration. It was black or it was white.

I don’t know this woman well, don’t know her personal story. Was she raised by a parent who did this? Does she have to “defend” herself in this way at home? What triggers this consistent reaction.

Believe me, I am also well aware of my reaction to this “bigger than life” take on life. I lived in a situation for many years where the response to a spilled bowl of soup was as catastrophic as a major financial loss. I know that I too am still learning a more peaceful response in this situation.

As gently as I could, I asked this young woman how often had she been misunderstood. The tears continued to flow. My intuition told me that she was ready to hear my words, “Is it possible that it could be You?” In each occurrence she could recall, she realized that from a young age, her “go to” place immediately was to get angry. This was her defense mechanism to not being hurt. She would go on the attack to save herself.

In that moment I understood that what had brought us together was what we needed to learn from each other. I had to understand the reason that her reaction disturbed me so intensely. Then I had to learn how to deal with it. She had to learn her own lesson.

Each of us is the only common denominator in all our experiences. What we do with our lessons is up to us. Or we will find the next hole to fall in soon enough.

The learning continues. But in my next interaction with this young woman, I will yearn to keep a softer heart.

How many times do we fall in the same hole? (Click to Tweet)

Less judging, yearning to keep a softer heart. (Click to Tweet)