Finding Love in unusual places

If you are in a committed relationship, it is inevitable that someone at some point someone will ask you “how did you meet?” Of course, there is no simple answer to this very complicated question.

If you carried a “list” either on paper or in your head. You invariably checked off items as you blind-dated, 7-minute dated, or “smiled” on numerous internet dating sites. You kept an eye out for him as you did your groceries (does he eat vegetables?), walked outdoors (can he keep up with you?), or popped in to a bookstore (oh please let him be a reader!).

But if you were fortunate like me, you crossed paths, perhaps when you weren’t really watching for it. When you both know yourself and know what you were looking for, the Universe has no choice but to respond!

And then as each moment passed, you realized that you had found a “keeper”. Our true match should come with total surprise and ease. What I need in a relationship might not be what you need and hence you have to be patient.

And then one day there was the unexpected gift of organic chocolate bars while on a business trip.

And never, never being late to pick me up.

Of listening to my long, rambling stories, and remembering my friends’ names.

Opening car doors and giving me his arm on the icy parking lot.

And with each of these, he stole a little piece of my heart.

But the clincher was in what he didn’t do; how he used his time and energy in ways that fit with how I had chosen to live my life.

For me, some of the magic words were, “No, I don’t golf; never could understand the point of endlessly chasing a ball”. Don’t get me wrong, I have golfed, once. I wore shorts and matching top with a jaunty hat, I looked fantastic but my aim was terrible and I ended up giggling for 9 holes. So for me, a golfer would not do. When my special someone said that zigzagging for several hours searching for an errant ball was not his cup of tea, I was hooked (that is golf talk).

We’ve done a lot of new things together since, but not once have we golfed!

 Happy Anniversary Sweetie. Thank goodness for running and yoga, and the forces that brought us together.

Thank your special someone today for loving you! At which moment in time did you fall unequivocally in Love?

Necessary Questions

Some years ago, I was standing in a store on the eve of Valentine’s Day. I had been single for some time, done the online dating scene, a blind date or two, and even went on some 7-minute dates and was looking forward to the next day to devote to Me!

The young retail clerk wished my special someone and I a Happy Valentine's Day. She was crushed when I told her that I did not have a Valentine. She was sad for me! I remember thinking how far I had come, because I could see the humour in her response. “Oh Sweetie, I thought, there are SO many things worse than being alone on Valentine’s Day.”

Here, from the informative and always encouraging Conscious Relationship website are some thoughts for you, whether you are single or in a relationship.

 
Take this Relationship Readiness Quiz from consciousdating.com. ARE you ready?
Just answer "Yes" or "No" to the following questions:

1. I know what I want in life and in relationship.
2. I know my requirements in a relationship.
3. I am happy and successful being single.
4. I am ready and available for commitment.
5. I am satisfied with my work and career.
6. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
7. My financial and legal business is handled.
8. My family relations are functional.
9. I have effective dating skills
10. I have effective relationship skills.

Do you notice how these questions center on You and not on the "yet to arrive" other person. Now that's a hard one, isn't it?

It is easier to think of what we want in a relationship than what we can give.

Disappoint - they will survive

 Making time for yourself in this bustling, noisy world we live in can be challenging. How do we find and commit to "me" time?  Let's face it, we are on/in demand to every family member and 4-legged beast that lives under our roof. We are connected by blood, love, and wireless-ly, there is scarcely a moment of solitude. 

I know of people who set their alarm clocks earlier  in order to get some quiet time, to read, run, swim, write or meditate. Many folks are then catching a shut-eye in their cars over the lunch hour or on the train home at the end of the day. 

We have been raised to be polite and respectful of others and feel horribly guilty to put ourselves first. Why is it easier to disappoint Me rather than You? Honouring yourself takes time and dedication. If we can't find the time and reason to celebrate who we are, why should anyone else? (Click to Tweet)

See Cheryl Richardson's video and article on Let Me Disappoint You.

Waiting for Better

This is for you. 

Letting time pass to set a history is a good thing. Invariably the good people will stay good, and those that are not will also be revealed. But waiting and waiting can be just an avoidance that creates deeper pain. We say we want to be happy but remain in situations that we know prevent us from being so? It is honorable to give someone the benefit of the doubt, no one wants to be judged by one single act. However, we are sometimes so stuck, so paralyzed by our fear of the unknown that we cannot move out of a situation that does not honour ourselves.

We put up, and we shut up. 

Life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need. We will each get them to teach us in the way that matters most, the inconsiderate "friend", a (lack of a better term) crazy partner, an idiot boss. What will we let that person get away with? Why do we let them do what they do? The nonsense this person hands out will keep escalating until even you can't ignore the volume. The cosmic 2 by 4 will finally stop you in your tracks.

Then one day, you will know with no doubt in your mind that you are “done”. It could be caused by something catastrophic or something small, but it will happen when you are ready and have the courage to move on.

Have faith, you will survive. You will no longer be able to deny the proof.

And on that day, you will love yourself a little more and not let it happen again. Don't lose yourself in the battle and until then be safe, be well.

No longer an Act - 2

He was never one to shy away from finding love.

Many a girl had been twirled around the dance floor to his two-step. He fell in love nightly and with an open heart. He didn't cross boundaries but a girl felt that she had been flirted with, courted and wed all in one night. He knew the words to the songs and whispered them in tiny studded ears.

He knew when to speak softly and when to be center stage. A person couldn't help but fall for his ways, it would be pointless to resist. His back was slapped and a joke shared in countless encounters during an evening. He was a bit of candy wrapped in shiny foil.

You were surprised by the sheer size of his hands. They belonged on someone who was much taller and bigger. And though they had come in handy in many a misplaced playground scuffle, he had grown to be gentle with them.

And still he went home alone each night. It wasn't her fault, the woman with the curly hair and the flowered skirts, it was his time to go.

He is no one, he is every man, he is yet to have a name.

It seems that it was not the end.


He is no one, he is every man, he is yet to have a name. (Click to Tweet)

He was a bit of candy wrapped in shiny foil. (Click to Tweet)

For the rest of The Little Story, read here. 

Throw Something Out!

I was recently listening to Gail Banke's Throw Out Fifty Things: Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life on my iPod. She spoke of the oh-so obvious - the single sock that we hang on to in hopes of its missing mate suddenly reappearing, the half used hair product that didn't meet its promise, or the sweatshirt from our high school days.

It brought to mind the many ventures we start and abandon or outgrow with the passage of time. The cans of paint that could not and should not be transported to a new condo, the scraps of fabric from our quilting days when we move to a warmer, sunnier climate need to be left behind with respect. Banke suggested going from room to room and discarding the old, the used the I'll-never-use-again items and before you know it, you will add up to 50 things. Donate, recycle and plain trash it - it will feel good and make space for the NEW to enter your life. This philosophy is well voiced in The Secret and in the long ago words of Lao Tzu.

And then it got more interesting. Banke also spoke of renovating old beliefs, discarding old thought patterns and digging into our subconscious. Renovate you mind, what a concept. Throw out some patterns and just TRY something new.I've gone to the dark side and re-emerged as a lover of coffee. I have always been a tea-drinker (warm the pot, let it steep, it's a solemn ritual). I can now slowly sip and appreciate a good cup of coffee. I can even drink it black!

I highly recommend Gail Banke's audio-book. It is a quick listen, easily finished on a few walks and rides on the LRT. What are you ready to relinquish to make room in your room and in your mind? You might discover a new YOU.

Act - 1

He had ducked into a doorway to a bookstore in Inglewood in the pouring rain. He was just merely looking for a dry place to stop. She had a planned meeting with her sister, and was running late, why are we always the sister who is on time? A serendipitous meeting of two strangers that turned into more…

Her flowing curls and flowered skirt should have told him even then that her art was her life, he would always be a minor recurring character in her daily drama. Her writing came in waves fuelled by bad boyfriends, mostly beatnik in temperament, a professor thrown in for good measure on occasion, trips to sandy and tropical places..and he played his part by being a good stand-in. He was there to dry her tears, offer encouragement, do her research, buy a coffee (strong and black).

Even when they were lying in his bed, high on the hill and could see the twinkling lights below, he sensed that she scrolled through their dialogue for bits she could use in her next play.

He was by nature, warm-hearted. His sister still recalled how he would name the pigs on the family farm. He tended them and taught them (pigs are such intelligent creatures!). And then he'd cry unabashedly when "they were taken to town". So in many ways he was used to endings; he anticipated them but was able to treasure the time until they arrived.

It was not a surprise to his sister, who had witnessed the long story of her brother and the girl/woman that it would end abruptly.

He had maintained his patience, because distance was her most favourite word.

He looked at her one day and realized that he had no more to give, she had taken it all. That her charm and curls could not keep them together in his old age. He put down his unfinished coffee and walked out the door.

The End.

He was used to endings but still treasured the time until they arrived. (Click to Tweet)

For the rest of The Little Story, read here.