A Reunion of Sorts

Have you ever been in a situation when you feel that you are owed an apology? When an estrangement came out of the blue, without provocation, and you were left speechless?

What do you do? How long do you wait for them to make amends? Do you want to reach out and risk rebuke?

Forgiveness is a choice. You might never be able to forget the pain that this person caused you. You might never be able to understand what you did to deserve this kind of treatment. You might even look back on your relationship and find that you were never fully trusting or compatible with this person. For what reason did you let this unsatisfying relationship to continue?

So the question is, do you do anything? Do you hide in your cave for a little while to recover, do you lick your wounds, do you get even? What do you do when your heart has been broken by a "friend"?

How you react and what you do (or don't do) is your choice. It is one of the hardest things that you will have to do, because in your action or inaction you will define who you are. Are you a Big enough person to move on or will you allow your hurt to turn you into a non trusting child?

One day, it is inevitable that your paths will cross. When one of you or both are in need of a further lesson. When that day comes, who will you be?

Necessary Questions

Some years ago, I was standing in a store on the eve of Valentine’s Day. I had been single for some time, done the online dating scene, a blind date or two, and even went on some 7-minute dates and was looking forward to the next day to devote to Me!

The young retail clerk wished my special someone and I a Happy Valentine's Day. She was crushed when I told her that I did not have a Valentine. She was sad for me! I remember thinking how far I had come, because I could see the humour in her response. “Oh Sweetie, I thought, there are SO many things worse than being alone on Valentine’s Day.”

Here, from the informative and always encouraging Conscious Relationship website are some thoughts for you, whether you are single or in a relationship.

 
Take this Relationship Readiness Quiz from consciousdating.com. ARE you ready?
Just answer "Yes" or "No" to the following questions:

1. I know what I want in life and in relationship.
2. I know my requirements in a relationship.
3. I am happy and successful being single.
4. I am ready and available for commitment.
5. I am satisfied with my work and career.
6. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
7. My financial and legal business is handled.
8. My family relations are functional.
9. I have effective dating skills
10. I have effective relationship skills.

Do you notice how these questions center on You and not on the "yet to arrive" other person. Now that's a hard one, isn't it?

It is easier to think of what we want in a relationship than what we can give.

Waiting for Better

This is for you. 

Letting time pass to set a history is a good thing. Invariably the good people will stay good, and those that are not will also be revealed. But waiting and waiting can be just an avoidance that creates deeper pain. We say we want to be happy but remain in situations that we know prevent us from being so? It is honorable to give someone the benefit of the doubt, no one wants to be judged by one single act. However, we are sometimes so stuck, so paralyzed by our fear of the unknown that we cannot move out of a situation that does not honour ourselves.

We put up, and we shut up. 

Life has a way of teaching us the lessons we need. We will each get them to teach us in the way that matters most, the inconsiderate "friend", a (lack of a better term) crazy partner, an idiot boss. What will we let that person get away with? Why do we let them do what they do? The nonsense this person hands out will keep escalating until even you can't ignore the volume. The cosmic 2 by 4 will finally stop you in your tracks.

Then one day, you will know with no doubt in your mind that you are “done”. It could be caused by something catastrophic or something small, but it will happen when you are ready and have the courage to move on.

Have faith, you will survive. You will no longer be able to deny the proof.

And on that day, you will love yourself a little more and not let it happen again. Don't lose yourself in the battle and until then be safe, be well.

One week with no mascara

Things I learned while on holidays:

Give a little boy a bucket and water anywhere in the world and he will be happy

That I’m not as brave as some people

That Starbucks coffee is the same regardless of location

People are generally nice and cab drivers are fast

Sunsets are faster in the southern hemisphere

Walking is good for you

Small towns have many surprises, great pottery, good music and great food

Local transportation is unpredictable and fun

Chocolate is good everywhere

Eating dinner outdoors in March is spectacular!

Corona on the beach is refreshing

Traveling with someone you care about is a Gift.

In spite of the 40 degree change in temperature, it’s still good to be home.

                                     

Balls of different sizes

We have all read on our email or heard of the story of the professor who was teaching his class on the importance of balancing the various parts of our lives.

He proceeded to fill an empty vessel of different sized balls. Each ball standing for something of importance in your life, our vessel equals our life. He spoke of which balls and in which order we fill our vessel will help keep our life fulfilled. Simply put, too much time at the bar on the way home to meet with small balls (relative strangers) will take away from the time with (supposedly) big balls - your family.

The concept of filling our lives with important things is not new or earth-shattering. But in reality, it can continue to elude us despite our best efforts.


We have all been in a relationship, so closely connected, so living-in-each other's-pocket that we thought it would never end. But life happens and directions can alter. So what do we make of the realization that our partner in this juggling game of balls has decreased the size of the ball with our name on it without our knowledge?


If our vessel has a big ball named "You", but in your vessel the ball name "Me" are not the same (relative) size, one of us is losing out! We will feel slighted, short changed and eventually not as important in the other person's life.


We automatically do this evaluation each time we pick up the phone or send an email to stay connected to someone. But if they seldom reciprocate, we will soon feel that our importance in their life has diminished.


Juggling is a skill. All our relationships are all colourful and circular. The ones we focus on will continue their dance in our lives, and some will bounce and roll away.

Embarking

On a cruise some months ago, walking the deck (3 times around equals 1 mile), I followed a couple in their advanced years walking arm in arm. The poetry between them, the grace and demeanor of a loving couple from an earlier era. Her grey bun was firmly affixed to the back of her head, a single strand escaping in the breeze. In his blazer and beige khakis, he was decidedly overdressed for this crowd.

They surely weren`t from The Cat`s Table....or were they?

Michael Ondaatje`s The Cat`s Table (the least privileged place, typically farthest from the Captain`s table) sets the scene for the most enjoyable, endearing and at times enduring characters.

It speaks of secrecy and power of many kinds. In its pages, (so often not identified by page numbers, which I found mysterious in itself), I heard again and again of the affects of the unsuspected. “It would always be strangers like them, at the various Cat‘s Tables of my life, who would alter me.”

The story of a young boy and his adventurous voyage across the waters to a new life, a new self. Written with Ondaatje`s magical turns of phrase, I did not want this book to end. “They seemed an unlikely pair. Although she had a laugh that hinted it had rolled around once or twice in mud.”

His characters are delightful and surprisingly sublime. “That was a small lesson I learned on the journey. What is interesting and important happens mostly in secret, in places where there is no power.”

What woman doesn`t want at least once in her life to utter the words “I don`t think you can love me into safety” and then to walk away into the sunset?

 

Stranger no more

How close are we, that I don't know you're handwriting?
A relationship cultivated by email, texts and long distance Skype
Send me a hand-written note please, so
I can see the curl of your "L".
Does your "G" cross the line or sit upright?
Does the last letter of your name
trail off into nothingness?

I want to know.