Have you ever stood in the middle of a decision, deciding if you would be a good person or just let the crap fly where it will? At times you know things about the background story that no one else seems to be aware of and you could end the whole darn mess? How long do you stay in the state of “should I or shouldn’t I”?
if you have been privy to a confidence or know someone’s colourful past you know about this. It is difficult to step back and let a story take on a life of their own. When do you keep your lips buttoned and watch the drama production around you?
A good friend asked me these questions the other day. She had known a colleague for many years, through numerous silent facelifts, calf and butt implants, habitual spending and many other self-gratifying displays that were varied and frightening. This person however is not a criminal, a pervert, an adulterer or a liar. She is actually, a rather nice person. Today, she presents as a fit, good looking got my sh*t together middle-aged person. My friend’s concern to me was that she was tempted to set the story straight.
In other words, she asked if she has the right and/or obligation to speak negatively about this person?
So I asked her:
Why do you want to do this? Would it make you feel more powerful and why?
Why is it upsetting to you that other people have this positive frame on this person? Is it possible that this person has changed, is it possible for you to give the benefit of the doubt?
If you told them about the past, how do you think they would react? Would they feel that you are the one who shouldn’t have spoken? Would you end up destroying your relationship with them?
What would you get out of this act of straightening them out? Would you feel any amount of self-satisfaction in telling this truth and why?
Life is not fair, it is not even equal. We grow, we change, and hopefully we improve. We are each allowed a slot of time to experience being a lost soul as this person had. My friend decided not to speak up about the past, she now has the satisfaction of knowing that she did the right thing. And that reward does not always come with recognition.
It is not always easy. In fact, doing the right thing is often the hardest thing to do.