Saying Goodbye on the Yoga Mat

So many changes at this time of year. From our little ones heading into their first classroom to those starting their first official day of retirement, and everyone in-between. How do we manage? How do we cope? What are we teaching each other?

This is a month when I feel it's a time of change and transition. Just like my fellow yoga practitioners as we said goodbye to our teacher, you too might be facing a new you.

Saying Goodbye on the Yoga Mat

I remember when our teacher was new. Of course we all had thoughts in our heads. Would she challenge us? Would we like her style? Would we stay or go?

As with all our goodbyes, in every aspect of our previous experiences we must evaluate what this chapter in our lives brought to us. When our teacher first told us to breathe in to a count of 4 and exhale to the same count and then increased it to 6 or 7, yes there was a moment of stillness, of surprise. What? or for some of us WHAT? How could that be? How could we do that?

No one wants to look like a fool.

However as time went on, we were able to do precisely "that". We were able to challenge our previous thoughts and push our boundaries. Oh, it was definitely not comfortable, let's say that right now! And although the practise of yoga is supposed to be our practise (we're all learning something), not the practise of the person beside you (put away the comparison), not what you see in Yoga Journal (not everyone can bend like that, honestly), not what you see on Facebook (show me the real you not a meme), you still have that moment of but...but...but. We resist.

"What you resist, persists."

Carl Jung 

We want to be in control, because we are just human, we want to fit in and we don't want to stand out (foolishly) except if we stand out as awesome, magnificent, better than any one else we know. Right?

Our egos can speak really really loudly.  

That's why yoga has taught me so many things. That's why we are told to stay in the stillness between our breaths, because it is silent, uncomfortable, uncertain, and we just have to wait. Something that most of us are not practising each day off the mat. We want to get the rewards without putting in the time to learn. We want the hack.

As Erwin Raphael McManus shared in The Last Arrow: Save Nothing for the Next Life we want the (perfect) life without suffering the wounds, without the scars. We want it to happen easily.

Yoga has taught me about saying goodbye to old beliefs. It can give you the courage to breathe into the unknown. To stand on your toes. To reach. It can teach you to trust. And to know that you will grow and get better, if you allow it. But it is hard work. It is commitment. It is discipline. It is saying goodbye to what was.

It is saying hello to what is to come.

How yoga is teaching me to say goodbye well. (Tweet This)

Lessons on the yoga mat, breathing and reaching into change. (Tweet This)

Ego, our Foe

Sometimes however our Ego becomes who we are and we just  cannot see past it. We think we need it to fill a void. You've seen the one time beauty queen who still behaves as though she was twenty, or the do-gooder who thinks that no-one can survive without his intervention.

Ego can be that nasty, mean little voice that blinds us from our failings. Have you ever heard someone say, "it's just the way I am" as if that gives leeway for their poor behaviour?

Pixabay, the Mask

There are times when each of us have lived in regret. It could be for responding too quickly, with a habit that we've learned, and this response was not our best decision in that moment.

Ego, our Friend

A funny thing happens when you say the word Ego to someone. The usual immediate reaction is that Ego is a bad thing.

But ask anyone who has escaped a troubled marriage, or a bullying work environment, or suffered a training injury. They will tell you that having a healthy Ego is what saved their life.

There is a fine line between our Ego's assistance, its warning about our self-preservation and growth and that nasty, mean little voice that blinds us from our failings.You can read about Ego, our Foe? in part 3 of this series.

Huntington Beach, CA.

Let's say your long term relationship has recently broken apart. Does your Ego allow you to put on your make-up/get out of your sweats, wipe your tears and continue to en[joy] life? Did you see the Joy word hidden in there?

Does your Ego allow you to try new things and possibly "fail"? It's okay to not be good the first time out, just like my cousin in the previous post. We are all in some stage of learning. So just have fun and en[joy].

Think of the happiest people you know. Notice I didn't say most accomplished people you know?

Because the happiest folks I know do a lot of things! They are constantly attempting something, whether it be learning to swim at 60, or travelling alone for the first time after losing a partner. They take up running or painting, knitting or mechanics and everything in-between.

They have said, Thanks Ego for all you've done, but I'll take it from here.

They know that they are okay with learning to breathe into the worrisome spots and that everything worthwhile takes patience.

Does your Ego cheer you on like a good friend? (Click to Tweet)

It’s All About the Ego, Dude

Clear your mind, the teacher said. Let’s just move along here, my cousin said in his inside voice.

Breathe deeply, breathe into your hips. What? What does this mean?

The teacher walked about the room, he asked permission and then adjusted the student to help ease into the pose. He’s coming near me, my cousin thought. I can do this, I know I can, I’ll show him how good I can be and it’s only my first class!

But the teacher walked by. Ha, I am pretty good, thought my cousin who is also a doc.

The class continued, and each time the teacher walked by. Hmm, no adjustment necessary. I am good!

At some time during the class, my cousin stopped looking around at the other participants. He realized that his hamstrings were tight from running. That when standing he couldn’t touch his mat, That he swayed like the branches of a willow tree in the breeze when he stood on one foot.

His teacher did not adjust him for the first few classes that he attended. The teacher and the student finally connected.

The teacher understood that in spite of my cousin’s first efforts that he was committed to learn more. The student started to feel some benefits of his yoga class and now stood on one foot at home while he brushed his teeth. He started to be conscious of his breath.

What my cousin didn’t learn until a few years had passed was that his teacher didn’t adjust him in those early days for a reason. He needed to show that he had found his own reasons for continuing to practise yoga. He had to stop using force.

The teacher knew that to continue to learn, we have to put aside what we want to prove, and to breathe into those worrisome places.

And that when we don’t allow it, It’s All About the Ego, Dude. 

You can't force Yoga. (Click to Tweet)

Part 2 of this 3-part series "Ego, our Friend" coming soon.