Saturday, November 12, 2016

Give and Take – how to do it – a Rant(?)

What I’ve learned is that sometimes people give only because it gives them something, said my friend. It is a self-serving pat-on-the-back, not because they want the recipient to be truly honoured. But because they feel needed, she continued.

My friend is a giver, she is generous and quiet about doing it. She does not speak of how she gives of her time and encouragement unless you know her well and you ask her. But the day we spoke, she was disappointed and a tad angry.

She had just experienced a social media explosion of congratulations for someone she knows. This someone is in her acquaintance circle, not a close friend, but someone close enough. It is also someone whom she does not hold in a great deal of respect.

courtesy of Pixabay

Which leads me to the next question. Why do we give with such grandiose gestures and then plaster our wonderfulness all over Facebook? Why do some of us congratulate ourselves on social media so frequently that it loses its POW?

I am not talking about the true celebrations of growth. I’m referring to the ‘look at me, aren’t I wonderful” which appear on a regular, consistent basis. But the Oh and please, stop what you’re doing right this minute. Because I want some more adoration, now.

What reaction are we looking for? And also, why are there so many “you are so magnificent” responses in return over the most simple of things?

What happened to each of us finding our way by our hard earned mistakes? Why do we not post these lessons on social media? Why do we not know that all things will change and very often even get better? Not everything is a disaster! How do we learn if we don’t do it on our own from the inside?

Why can’t we be more humble? And this is the place where my dear friend was suffering that day. She is someone who deserves the praise but doesn’t see the need to request it. She is an anomaly.

Perhaps you think that my friend and I are just grumpy about this topic of extensive APPLAUSE. Remember, we are all just human. What we both do know is that we cannot make someone else happy. That is their job to do through the unique path they’ve chosen.

If you need someone to tell you how great you are, every week, I suggest that you do some soul-searching to find out why.

(Okay, now I am a little less grumpy.)

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