Still or Scream?

A writer I know told me that she did her best writing after her parents died, they were in their nineties. She finally had the freedom to speak from her heart about the dysfunction that lived in the house that she had grown up in.

Still or Scream?  Courtesy Arno_M Pixabay

Someone else said that she found her husband in bed with a girl young enough to be his daughter. She, a seemingly contained person, walked into the closet they shared and cut up every one of his dress shirts. They became all short-sleeved. Then she went to the kitchen and made a list of what she’d take in the divorce.

Why is it that we need a catastrophe of some sort, in order for us to abandon our limits and to tell the truth? Our feelings belong only to us, we need to recognize that when they start rattling us that they are telling us something. They are trying to get our attention by making us uncomfortable. We don't need to wait for a disaster.

No one, not even those who know us the best can understand our deepest emotions. They have not lived each day in our skin. They have not hidden in corners with our tears or laughed with us in the darkness at what we consider the absurdity of life.

One of our biggest fears, unfortunately, is what would happen if we were to be “too honest”. If we actually told the ones who offend us how much they annoy us or that we see through their lies. Because we are for the most part governed by good manners and kindness even when we walk away in frustration. 

We don’t want to be the bad guy. We don’t want to be the one who is perceived as mean. Although through experience most of us know that sometimes being direct, by being brutally honest is the only way to save our selves.

When a relationship of any kind breaks down or shows serious signs of fracture, do you try to explain your point of view or do you walk away without explanation? How much honesty do we owe someone when they are driving you crazy with their (take your pick) noise/sadness/negativity/ bending of rules/rudeness? Is it up to us to tell them the truth or are they supposed to figure it out on their own? Are we supposed to interject or are we supposed to be still?

What we choose to do is up to us alone because we are grown-ups, no one "makes" us do something, we should be in charge of our own lives. It is, therefore, our choice to either try to resolve our differences or to create some distance so that we can escape gracefully. There are so many effective ways for us to voice our feelings without regretting them later. 

The difficult part is to respect ourselves and yet not to damage someone else. (Tweet This)

I haven’t quite figured it all out yet myself. But I know that each reaction will define me today and also in my next choice tomorrow. (Tweet This)

It's a crazy thing this constant learning.

In your experience, are you more likely to write it out in stillness like my author friend or instead just to cut off the sleeves of expensive shirts?

What do you think?