Blame is not a Game

In each circumstance we choose or find ourselves in, we hold the opportunity to ask the right questions. The difficult ones that lead us to a better answer. 

We can see ourself as separate from what is going on in our life, but Blame is not a Game. Even though we can play it endlessly. Where is our responsibility?

As Gary Zukav said...
Please... tell me who you are and what you want. 
And if you think those are simple questions, 
keep in mind that most people live their entire lives 
without arriving at an answer.

I was chatting with a former colleague who said that she kept finding herself in situations where she felt people took advantage of her. 

How long has this been going on? I asked. 
Oh, it always happens to me! She replied.

Blame is not a Game https://foundandbliss.blogspot.com

I asked her if each situation had something in common, what type of people she interacted with, how they responded to her.

Why do you think this happens? I asked. 
Most people are dishonest, they tell you one thing and then behave differently behind your back. 
And how often do they do this to you? 
Until, I move on to a new situation.

Do you see what she did? She expected people to behave a certain way; she continued to be in situations where she was treated this way, and yet... she did nothing about it, except move on.

She did not stand up for herself. She did not question why this kept happening. She did not listen to the past. She blamed it on others. (Tweet This)

 

Our lives improve only when we take chances - 

and the first and most difficult risk we can take 

is to be honest with ourselves.
  Walter Anderson

So don't for a moment believe that the repeating patterns in our life, are out of our control. They are there because we have not figured out how to resolve them. 

If we are unhappy about what's going on in our life, what are we doing about it? We need to remember that it is not someone else's obligation to make us whole. We cannot blame how we are feeling on them.

The coffee server who always seems to be rude, just to us.
The person who lives in our building, who never says hello.
The grown child who constantly asks something of you, whether it is money, time or advice (which they usually don't  take).

Blame is not a Game https://foundandbliss.blogspot.com

When these circumstances persist what we need to do is find our voice. We need to be more honest in our interactions. Or yes, we might end a relationship.

But in that leaving, let's reflect on what we believe went wrong. Let's recognize our part in it.
 (Tweet This)



And do our best to not do it again.

Blame is not a Game, even though we can play it endlessly.
(Tweet This)

Be well,

Death - Touched by His Uncomplicated Life

Fair warning, this post is about death. I hope that you will stick with me though because it is a story that we don't often tell.

A better place, passed away, the other side, we call death so many things. None of them, however, can take away the sting. We are afraid of the Unknown, and death is in my thinking the Ultimate Unknown. We avoid discussing it when we have the ability to do so, we live our lives behaving that we and our loved ones will be the exception.

I drive by a funeral home each day. The signs asking drivers to slow down and be respectful are placed at intervals. I wonder how many people driving by even notice the words. Sometimes the parking lot is empty, often enough it is not. A sprinkling of mourners and sometimes overflowing. Who is it, I wonder. Thank you for your contribution to this world. I hope you did little harm.

We have just recently heard of a trio of climbers who were swept away by an avalanche. They did not carry avalanche beacons/transceivers, they knew that in the event of being buried that they had little chance of being saved. How hollow would the words "they died doing what they loved" echo for their loved ones?

There are those who live to flirt with the line facing their death. But have they made peace with the days they have lived?

The other day someone was killed crossing a street going home from work not far from where I live. He carried a backpack that was torn from his body, perhaps it held the remnants of his uneaten lunch or something he found that day to show his children. He probably wasn't expecting his life to end steps away from his front door.

We are frequently reminded at the swiftness of life by folks like Humble the Poet. Death is just one moment away he often says. We hear it, we see it around us, but does it change the way we live?

Don't cry because it's over.

  Smile because it happened.

Dr. Seuss

DJW in stripes circa 1952

Today, I write about someone who was not known by more than a handful of people in his lifetime. His circle was small. He died last week. He had never read a book and was plagued with poor health. All he ever wanted was a decent cup of coffee. I wrote about him previously as the man of few possessions.

Still or Scream?

A writer I know told me that she did her best writing after her parents died, they were in their nineties. She finally had the freedom to speak from her heart about the dysfunction that lived in the house that she had grown up in.

Still or Scream?  Courtesy Arno_M Pixabay

Someone else said that she found her husband in bed with a girl young enough to be his daughter. She, a seemingly contained person, walked into the closet they shared and cut up every one of his dress shirts. They became all short-sleeved. Then she went to the kitchen and made a list of what she’d take in the divorce.

Why is it that we need a catastrophe of some sort, in order for us to abandon our limits and to tell the truth? Our feelings belong only to us, we need to recognize that when they start rattling us that they are telling us something. They are trying to get our attention by making us uncomfortable. We don't need to wait for a disaster.

No one, not even those who know us the best can understand our deepest emotions. They have not lived each day in our skin. They have not hidden in corners with our tears or laughed with us in the darkness at what we consider the absurdity of life.

One of our biggest fears, unfortunately, is what would happen if we were to be “too honest”. If we actually told the ones who offend us how much they annoy us or that we see through their lies. Because we are for the most part governed by good manners and kindness even when we walk away in frustration. 

We don’t want to be the bad guy. We don’t want to be the one who is perceived as mean. Although through experience most of us know that sometimes being direct, by being brutally honest is the only way to save our selves.